By now we all know that emotional intelligence is important for leaders and managers to be successful. But today I wanted to go a step further and talk about social intelligence. What it is, why it matters, and how you can improve this soft skill to become a better manager and leader for your team.
First, let’s define what social intelligence is. It’s essentially the ability to read and react appropriately in social situations. In the corporate world, this includes how you monitor, understand, react and manage your emotions to fit into the social context of your team or peer group.
Best Manager, Worst Manager Exercise
For many leaders, this might be a new concept. And you may wonder where you stand currently and what you could do better in a day-to-day context. But the interesting thing about social intelligence is that it really relies on the social situation that you are currently in. Your team plays a huge role in this, and it can evolve and change as team members leave and join your company. So the first thing that I always suggest business leaders do is play a game of “Best Manager, Worst Manager” with their team.
In this exercise you ask the simple question: “What are the elements of your best manager, and how did he or she get the best from you? What are the elements of your worst manager, and what do they do that really demotivated you, de-energized you, or made you want to leave?
And then all you have to do is listen. Because when you ask your staff to tell you about their best manager and their worst manager they’re basically giving you a simple road map of things that they consider a “deposit” and things they consider a “withdrawal” so you can do more of the deposits and fewer of the withdrawals. And keep in mind that it will vary from person to person, department to department.
Monthly Check-Ins
Once you have an idea of how to best support your team, make a deliberate effort to make those deposits into the social fabric of your team as often as possible. Maybe this is a company-wide acknowledgment of a job well done. Maybe this is taking the time to connect with managers and address their pain points. Maybe this is taking the effort to ask everyone on their team for their feedback and expertise to grow your business faster.
I was talking with a coaching client of mine recently, we will call her Becky, who works with a midsize medical group. She was describing that in her business, she reviews the key deposit points for her key direct reports once a week. And then at least once a month, she has a conversation with them asking them for feedback on how she is doing as a manager. And then she listens and applies that feedback moving forward. That’s exceptional social intelligence, and that’s something that all of us can learn to do with time.